Wednesday, April 1, 2009

APPLES TO PLAY !

Apples Back In Business
Mayor Dean Involoved

Hitthatball
Nashville, TN.

After last months announcement that they would suspend softball operations for the 2009 season, it is today being reported that the Apples are back.

Reports out of Nashville say that several prominent local dignitaries possibly including Mayor Dean have been working behind the scenes to keep the Apples intact and on the diamond.

Although efforts to contact the Mayor were unsuccessful, it is believed that Dean made a last minute appeal to the Apples and discussions have led to the Apples willingness to field a team in the Granny White Coed Softball League.

In addition to local efforts to save the Apples, reports have the Apples also receiving bailout money from the Federal Government which may have also played a part in the change of direction.

With the President in Europe this week, it is unclear at this time if the Obama administration will insist that Apple Tony Byram be replaced as manager of the Apples as part of the bailout deal. Efforts to reach Byram were unsuccessful this morning.

Once again, leave it to the Apples to surprise all. With a rich history of excitement and success in their rear view mirrors, could it be that we will again lay witness to another year of Apples Coed Softball glory?

When contacted for comment on today's breaking news, AGFHOF Don Bernitt was quick to say " Today is April 1st, I'm not thinking about softball yet. Try me back in a few weeks."


How bout them Apples.......

Friday, March 13, 2009

APPLES TO SUSPEND SOFTBALL OPERATIONS

2009 Season In Doubt
The End Of An Era

Nashville
Sayitaintso

In a sign of the times, it has been learned that the Apples have scheduled a press conference for this weekend to announce that they will suspend operations of the Coed Softball division of their global entity.

A source close to the Apples has confirmed that barring an 11th hour solution, the Apples will forgo tomorrow's league mandated payment of dues thereby ending a 10 year run as one of the most prominent Coed softball teams in Nashville history.

When reached for comment early this morning, a somber AGFHOF Don Bernitt would not comment on reports that the Apples finances had been compromised by disgraced Wall Street executive Bernie Madoff.

Although a connection to Madoff would help answer questions as to why the Apples were so inactive in this past off seasons free agent signing period, additional leaks from the Apple front office are helping paint a picture that shows that the true problem with the Apples is their inability to find enough players to field a team.

"Yea, there is some truth to that" said Bernitt when asked if the Apples were struggling to find enough experienced girls to play this season. "We've set the bar very high these past few years and it's not easy to find great talent year after year." Added Bernitt, "All good things come to an end, and with this will come a new beginning of Hope and Change that we can Believe In." Whatever the heck that means.

As the sun now appears to be setting on the Apples Coed Softball dynasty, it is time we turn our attention to the East and wait for the rising sun that will soon bring light to a new day in which we will again hear that now famous cheer............

How bout them Apples !!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

APPLES IN FIRE SCARE

Electrical Mishap
Team Headquarters Is OK

Hoyuzmoyuz
Nashville,TN

In the end it was laughable, in the midst it was nerve wracking. So it was last night at the off season home of AGFHOF Don Bernitt and Apple Patty Pender.

The evening, which started off as any other normal off season night, quickly turned to one of moments of high anxiety and concern when it appeared the Apples Headquarters was on the verge of catching fire.

As is routine, Bernitt was kicking back reviewing game films of last years disappointing season when Pender asked aloud, "what was that?" to which Bernitt replied, "that was a bullshit call by the ump, I was safe!"

A moment later Pender was alerted by something unusual and said again, "what was that". This time Bernitt sat straight up and said, "that was another crappy call, there is no way that ball went over the fence in fair territory, had that umpire called it foul we would have only lost 19 - 0 instead of 21 - 0"

Another few moments passed before Pender and Bernitt both were startled when a loud popping sound accompanied by flashes of blue / green light were observed as the house lost power and went dark.

After gathering a few well placed flashlights, it became apparent that it was only the Apple house that had lost power while the homes on either side remained lite.

And then the fun began, after a few minutes of darkness half of the house had power restored while half remained dark. There was no pattern to the outage as certain pieces of electronic equipment functioned while others and overhead lights remained dead.

"This isn't good" said Bernitt aloud, "we've all heard of electrical fires burning down houses and something is definitely wrong." As they surveyed the situation, Bernitt then said "I smell smoke,we have a problem." It was at the moment that Pender pointed out, "the smoke you smell is coming from the wood burning stove,I THINK!"

Pender and Bernitt then calmly put Evacuation Plan A into action. They scurried about their 4 room mansion as they grabbed the memory sticks from computers and electronic picture frames that hold thousands of pictures accumulated over the years of Apple travels. Along with the sticks, they quickly packed a bag with several changes of clothes before grabbing the Wii Machine and heading outside into the pouring rain.

As tense moments passed, a call was placed to Nashville Electric Company who dispatched an emergency response vehicle to the Apple Palace. Upon arriving, the emergency crew quickly determined that the main power line from the pole to the house had "frayed" and although not completely rendered useless it was the cause for the electrical issues in the house.

"We'll have this fixed in 30 minutes" proclaimed the utility team as they raised the cherry picker into the dark skies of Appleville. Following the rain drenched efforts of the crew, there was heard the shout of "Let there be light" as electricity and calm were restored throughout the house.

"We witnessed a good lesson tonight" said Bernitt as he rebooted his laptop, "everyone needs to make sure that you have fresh batteries in all your smoke detectors and have a plan in the event of fire at your house." Added Bernitt, "talk with your kids and let them know what they need to do in the event of something like this, have a meeting place pre-determined outside and have a 'fire drill' at your house."

In the end, all is well, but don't for a moment think that there weren't some very nerve wracking moments last night for the Apples. As is always the way, Bernitt put it best when he said, "we have our families and friends, the other stuff is just stuff"

It is with relieve that we again can say...... How bout them Apples!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

APPLES BID 'W' FAREWELL

Bush Era Ends
Obama Takes Over


GODBlessAmerica
Nashville, TN

Today, as it has been for over 200 years, The United States again shows why it is one of the greatest countries in history.

With the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President, the world lays witness to the magnificence of our country as we freely transfer the power of our nation from one president to the next.

This peaceful transfer of leadership is only more proof that never have so many lived in such freedom as 'We the People of the United States of America'

It can not be argued that beginning his first day in office, many who opposed President Bush openly set out with a defined purpose to deny and destroy him. Because of this strategy, and the refusal of these citizens to find the common good at any and all times with those who do not share and embrace their beliefs, America today finds itself in the middle of a crisis of multiple facets.

As we turn another page in our history with the inauguration of our 44th President, let us hope that those who opposed the campaign and election of President Obama do not repeat the destructive actions of President Bush's dissenters.

Today, let all Americans stand together in support of President Obama and hold him to but one charge....

"Preserve, Protect and Defend the Constitution"

So help him GOD.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

APPLE WEDDING BELLS TO RING

Apple Engaged
2009 Will Be Season Of Love

Diamondofanotherkind
Nashville,TN

With the off season nearing the halfway point, the Apples kept the hot stove league news coming this weekend by announcing the engagement of Apple Tiffany Smith.

Smith, who has been romantically linked with Bass Master Pro Fisherman Houston McSwain for several years, was beaming with joy as she flashed an apple sized diamond ring that had just been placed on her finger by McSwain.

"No question, I'm the happiest guy around" said McSwain as he fought back tears when asked to tell how he plotted the course that led to his proposal of marriage to Smith.

Added McSwain, " as a professional fisherman, I occasionally have to deal with the one that got away, however the minute I met Tiffany I knew she was a keeper and I'm just glad that I was able to finally reel her in and that she said has said yes to becoming my wife."

"Yea, I fought him off for a while" said Smith in response to McSwain's comments, "but I also realized that he has a really big one and most women can only dream of having a boat that size in their garage" continued the soon to be Tiffany McSwain.

When asked to comment on the news of his teammates engagement, AGFHOF Don Bernitt said, "With all this cold weather we have been subject to lately, it's nice to hear some news that warms the heart."

Bernitt was also asked about the likelihood of Houston McSwain now joining the Apples as a team member to which he replied, "I don't give a darn who you marry or who you know, it all comes down to if you can hit or not." Continued Bernitt, "I've known several great casters over the years and I have yet to see one who can swing a bat with the same skills they flip a jig." "We'll give him a fair tryout and see what he brings to the dug out. If nothing else, we always need someone to carry the cooler."

If he were to make the team, Houston and Tiffany will be part of the wedding train heading down Apple Lane as they would join Apples Scott Quinlin and Sarah Milam who will be also be married during the 2009 season.

If there was ever a time and place for it to be said, what better then now to shout that now famous cheer.. How bout them Apples !

Congratulations Tiffany and Houston!!

Photo Below:


Tiffany was all smiles when Houston placed a diamond studded apple shaped ring on her finger

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

APPLE PICKS UP POST SEASON AWARD

Patty Pender Is Tops
Honored At Lunch Banquet

Thatsmysweetie
Nashville, TN

With their off season now in full swing and entering into the coldest days of the year, the Apples today announced that veteran outfielder Patty Pender, who spends her off season as a physical education teacher in Nashville, has been named 2008 Teacher of the Year by TAHPERD - Tennessee Association for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance.

Pender was presented the award at the associations annual presidential lunch banquet that was held at the Embassy Suites - Franklin. The award ceremony, attended by over 600 members of the Tennessee chapter of TAHPERD was highlighted by the presentation of the award to Pender following the keynote address by Tennessee Titans starting linebacker David Thorton. Thorton's address to the crowd included several references to individuals like Pender who through their daily actions show and teach the benefits of daily exercise and an overall healthy lifestyle.

"I'm touched, I really am" said Pender when asked for comment following the ceremony. Added Pender, "It's always an honor to be recognized by your peers, and I'm thankful to everyone who played a part in making this day what it was." Pender then spent a few minutes taking photos and signing autographs before heading out of into the brisk November weather to begin her daily exercise routine that is part of the Apples off season training schedule.

When contacted about the award given to Pender, AGFHOF Don Bernitt was quick to say, "I'm really not surprised at all. Patty has for years been one of the leaders of the Apples and I don't think any of our post game get together's would have taken place without her." "Kidding aside" continued Bernitt, "Pender has the energy of a teenager and my hat is off to her. She is a great example of what an active lifestyle has to offer and I'm darn proud to have her as my teammate for life."

And so it goes, the off season continues and the Apples roll on, and to no surprise we again hear that now famous cheer.............................

How bout them Apples !

Way To Go Patty !!!


Apple Patty Pender added to her MVP award when she was named 2008 Teacher of the Year

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

APPLES PROUD TO BE AMERICANS

Is This A Great Country Or What
The Mountain Top Is In Sight

USAUSAUSA
Nashville, TN.

Go figure, the sun did rise today and the birds are still chirping. Following a long and often bitter presidential campaign (nothing new there), people across the globe today have again witnessed, why despite our shortcomings and problems as a nation,we the people of the United States of America are among the most fortunate people alive.

How great is it that a country of our size and diverse human experiences, can come together under the freedoms provided by our founding fathers and in one day change our government that is in fact, "Of the People, By the People, And for the People"

With the election of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States, we have continued the process of a peaceful change of power that has been undertaken every four years for over 200 years now.

When contacted at his off season home in suburban Nashville about the election, AGFHOF Don Bernitt commented that "regardless of our individual preferences and regardless how we cast our vote, today we should all sing the song of Lee Greenwood and say, I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free."

Bernitt went on to say, "of course, with last night's peaceful change of power, comes the historic fact that our country has elected it's first Afro-American President, and while it is important on occasion to look back at the past disgrace that is our nations racial history, I feel that it is far more important that we now look forward and realize that all Americans can now live the life that was put forth by Martin Luther King when he spoke of his dream and said, "Free at last, Free at Last, Thank GOD Almighty We Are Free At Last."

Continued Bernitt, as long as I am throwing out quotes, how about this one, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." With that, Bernitt headed to the Apples new training facility in downtown Nashville and joined several other of his teammates as the Apples ramp up their off season conditioning program as they prepare for the 2009 Coed Softball Season.

With the election now over, it's back to the important things in life as we are now a day closer to when we next hear the now famous cheer.....................

How bout them Apples!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

APPLES SET TO ENDORSE

Long Awaited Announcement Expected
Apples Have Picked Last 5 Winners

Itsalmostover
Nashville,TN

With the painfully long Presidential campaign about over, it has been learned that the highly sought after Apple endorsement could come at any time.

Having correctly predicted the last 5 presidential winners, it should come as no surprise that the campaigns of both John McCain and Barack Obama have heavily courted the Apples over the past few months.

In what was initially thought to be a indicator of their intentions, the Apples were spotted this summer in Anchorage, Alaska just weeks before McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate. When asked about this visit, AGFHOF Don Bernitt said "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

In has also been reported that the Apples were seen two weeks ago in Pennsylvania on the heels of an Obama - Biden visit to the keystone state. When asked about the visit, AGFHOF Don Bernitt said, "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

When contacted this past weekend about the pending Apple endorsement, Bernitt said that there were a few more details to work out with potential team sponsors before the final announcement is made.

Next up for the Apples will be a first of its kind public service announcement that will have the Apples appearing in a 30 minute TV commercial that will remind all voters that due to the expected heavy voter turnout this year, those Americans planning on voting for John McCain are asked to come to the polls on Tuesday Nov. 4th while those voting for Barack Obama are asked to come to the polls on Wednesday Nov. 5th.

Where we go from here is soon to be seen, but one thing we know for sure is that regardless of the outcome of the election, don't be surprised when during his inaugural speech in January, that our next President yells that now famous cheer...

How bout them Apples !!

** Pictures Below



The Apples traveled via train while in Alaska this campaign season



The Apples visited the boyhood home of Don Bernitt while stumping in PA.
Future Apples Matty and Jeff Oliver tell America

"Don't screw up our futures"

Saturday, October 4, 2008

1..2..3..JUMP!

Apples Take A Dive
Notch Second Skydive

Lookoutbelow
Nashville, TN


The Apples 2008 off season tour continued this week with another high octane spectacular at 14,000 feet above ground.

Jumping from the teams private plane, Apple 1, AGFHOF Don Bernitt and Patty Pender each recorded their second career skydive while being joined by Bernitt's father Dan who made his first jump from nearly 3 miles high.

Dan, visiting from his summer home in Central Pennsylvania, was all smiles following his plunge from 14,000 feet, the first two miles of which were a free fall at a speed of nearly 120 mph.

"That was a heck of a ride" said the elder Bernitt after the 5 minute descent to the ground under the canopy of his parachute. "I'm ready to go again" added Bernitt has he described the jump that came just 4 days short of his 77th birthday.

"You gotta tip your hat to him" said Don Bernitt when asked about his dad. "I know people half his age that wouldn't even think about doing what he just did." "I guess this just shows that the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree" continued Bernitt as he began the process of scheduling his next jump.

And so it goes, the Apples off season continues with another film for the highlite reel and another chapter for the book. What's next for the Apples is again any one's guess, but as is always the case don't be surprised when you next hear that cheer...

How bout them Apples!!

PHOTOS BELOW




The Apples Get Geared Up

The Ride Up To 14,000 Feet.


"Let's Get This Show On The Road"



Open Door...

The First Step Is The Only Step





GERONIMO


All smiles at 120 mph...

The Ground Is Way Down There