Monday, July 27, 2009



Now that's a Great Wall


Dan Bernitt captured this photo of the Total Solar Eclipse

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

RED APPLES

Apples Go International


This past Springs temporary suspension of team operations, which took the Apples off of the playing field for the first time in a decade, appears now to have been a course of action that could in the end, benefit the Nashville based Coed Softball giant.

Forced to suspend play due to the lack of talent in Nashville, it has been announced that the Apples have elected to extend their reach and have begun a national, as well as international tryout schedule in hopes of fielding a team for the upcoming fall schedule of the Granny White Coed Softball League.

A recent weekend tryout in San Francisco identified several potential players who were signed to the practice squad while waiting to hear the leagues final ruling on allowing trans gender athletes to participate in Coed Softball. "It raises a few questions on the boy - girl - boy - girl batting order" said AGFHOF Don Bernitt when discussing the recent tryout.

With the recent scouting trip to California behind them, the Apples now turn their attention to the international talent pool as they have embarked on a visit to The Peoples Republic of China.

"I hear they have some folks that can swing a mean sickle over there" said Bernitt as he and fellow Apple Patty Pender prepared for the flight from New York City to Beijing. Bernitt added that he hoped his visit behind the bamboo curtain would lead to an increased openness between to the two countries in the arena of International Coed Softball. "That's true Change and Hope we can Believe in" continued Bernitt as he brushed up on his language skills of calling balls and strikes in Chinese.

While in China, the Apples plan on becoming the first Coed Softball team to hold free and open tryouts in a communist country, and at the same hope to become the first Americans to hit softballs over the Great Wall of China. "I'm looking forward at going toe to toe in a pitching matchup against the Red Chinese Army" said Bernitt as he packed his 'Made in China' ball and glove in the overhead bin of team plane Apple 1.

And so it goes, the Apples take to the world and begin to spread their vision of America and Coed Softball. GOD help us all..

How bout them Apples!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

GOLDEN APPLES

Off Season Tour Underway
1st Stop California

Toocool
San Francisco

Following the 2009 season that wasn't, the Apples began their off season tour this past weekend with a trip west to the Salinas Valley and the artichoke and strawberry fields of Watsonville, Ca.

In addition to the day spent in the "Salad Bowl" of America, the Apples also took a step back in time as they retraced the steps of their 1995 visit to California and the San Francisco Bay area.

"What a beautiful city" said AGFHOF Don Bernitt has he and fellow Apple Patty Pender gazed across the bay from the Golden Gate Bridge. "If there was just some way to get the freaks out of here this would be a pretty cool place" added Bernitt as he was pummeled by the high octane winds atop the bridge.

With June now behind us and the summer ready to kick into high gear, it's any ones guess as to where the Apples may show up next. With rumors flourishing of a pending trip to the deep south, one thing is for sure, if you listen for a wind coming from the far east you may will soon hear that now famous cheer..........

How bout them Apples!!

**PHOTOS BELOW**


A thirteen year time lapse photo shows the Golden Gate Bridge still hanging in there and looking good.


*Next photo shoot in 2021*

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

APPLES ASK.. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

Apples Angered
You Bastards

LTBPOE
Nashville,USA

Where are you now? For the past eight years many people seemed to take pleasure in a free -for- all attack of our country, it's former administration and its policies.

Now, as the world lays witness to events taking place in Iran, the Apples have a question; Where are you now?

Do you remember the jokes and scoffs when George Bush called Iraq, Iran and North Korea an "axis of evil"? Where are you now?

Are you watching what is happening in Iran? Are you watching as your brothers and sisters are being murdered in the streets of Iran because they dare to taste the very freedom that many in this country take for granted? Where are you now?

Did you see the young women, Neda Agha Soltan, as she dared to peacefully protest for freedom on the streets of Iran? Did you see her die? Where are you now?

As has been proclaimed by the Apples in the past; Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness is not just for white men in America.. This absolute truth is the bedrock for all of GODS children being able to say "Free at Last, Free at Last, thank GOD Almighty, we're Free at Last." Where are you now?

You criticized your country and its leaders when they dared to believe that the people of Iraq should be free. Now, the blood of freedom is screaming from the dead in Iran.

America, where are you now?



America, where are you now?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Another Apple On The Move

Bailey Announces Change
Takes Game To Hometown Team

Locationlocationlocation
Lebanon,TN

Following a ten year run as team swing coach, Apple Jeff Bailey has announced that he will be leaving his current position at the end of the month to assume a similar role with his hometown PFG Pears.

"It's never an easy decision to make a move like this, but I feel it's the right time to do so." said Bailey as he announced his decision to sign a free agent contract that will have him join the Lebanon, TN based Pears.

"I had a nice 10 year run here" said Bailey, "I'll take a lot a fun memories from this job and of course" added Bailey, "this is where I met my wonderful wife, Lisa Bailey Bean. There is not too much bad you can say about a gig like that" concluded Bailey as he loaded his golf clubs in the cab of his truck and headed out for a quick 9 holes as a tune from the band 'Dave's Not Here' blared from the truck stereo

When contacted on vacation for comment on Bailey's decision, Apple Executive Apparel Buyer Don Upton said, " I'm sorry... who is leaving? Jeff? I'm not sure if I know who Jeff is" joked Upton before taking a minute to thank Bailey for his past efforts and to wish him well in his new role.

With the move, Bailey now finds himself in the unique position of working just 10 minutes from home. "It's going to be great" said Jeff, "I look forward to sleeping later and having cocktails earlier"

And so it goes, the Apple tree extends its reach as another Apple leaves and begins to grow again in a new orchard. Just another example of not if, but when we will hear that now famous cheer........

How bout them Apples

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

APPLE TO SAY.... BUY

Big D In The House
Miller Joins Adams

Buylowsellhigh
Nashville,TN

As speculated, it has been confirmed that one time Apple Coach and Buyer, Dennis Miller, has accepted a similar position with the Birmingham, Alabama based Adams Produce conglomerate.

Approached at a pool party and rib cook off in Suburban Nashville to celebrate the upcoming marriage of Apple infielder Tiffany Smith and Professional Bass Fisherman Houston McSwain, Miller said that he had been looking to "get back in the game" since the Apple restructuring that forced him from his position a few years ago.

"This wont be my first rodeo, I'm looking forward to getting back onto the field and kicking some dirt soon" added Miller as he tossed back shots of Patrone to celebrate his pending move.

Miller now joins several other one time Apples who have taken their games from humble beginnings in Nashville and have over time joined up with the Adams ownership group to become a major force in the Southeast United States Coed Softball League.

When then asked about expectations in regards to selling his Nashville home under current market conditions as he prepares to join Adams in Birmingham, Miller surprised well wishers when he replied, "I'm not going anywhere, the position that I have accepted is here in Nashville." Miller then poured another round of Tequila and toasted, "Here's to my new job, and to Christi getting married."

With the announcement of Millers move, we today again see why it is always just a matter of time before we hear that famous cheer.............

How bout them Apples!

Friday, June 5, 2009

APPLE ON THE MOVE

Apple Swirl
Back To Basics

Wheretheskyisalwaysblue
Nashville, TN.

Following a week in which Tennessee Titan quarterback Vince Young publicly stated his desire to be traded, it has today been learned that a high level Apple is on the move and will be soon be wearing a new uniform.

Contacted in Houston Texas, Titans owner Bud Adams denied any knowledge or involvement in the breaking news story before pointing out that this would not be the first time that his last name had been erroneously linked to a rumour involving a former Apple.

Mr. Adams then pointed out that when the Nashville based Apples were first sold by founder John Beasley, it was a group in Houston that paid a then record price for the franchise. "Perhaps that has something to do with the confusion today" added Adams as he was peppered for information on the yet to be identified Apple on the move. When then asked what, if anything, he knows about the team that has on occasion been mixed up with his, Adams said although he has never meet anyone from the group, he understands "they know a thing or two about bringing home the cabbage."

As the news of the pending move broke, efforts to reach the Apples were unsuccessful. A recorded message at the teams headquarters said the Apples were participating in charity bike ride from Birmingham, Alabama to the Panhandle of Florida. Callers where then directed to visit the teams website later in the week for an Apple update.

It's now time to hurry up and wait as the Apples appear ready to hit again. As has been thought for a long time, it's not a question of if the Apples will shine again, but instead the question is when. With someone big apparently now on the move, it's time for the guessing games to begin as to when we will next hear that now famous cheer.....

How bout them Apples !!

Friday, May 15, 2009

HISTORIC APPLE HQ GOES UP IN FLAMES

Apple History Lost
Was This An Accident?

Nashville, TN
Burnbabyburn

After first shutting down their coed softball operations this Spring, the Apples saw another chapter of their storied history come to an end with this weeks burning of the teams former Headquarters and Training Facility.

The facility, located in the historic Germantown section of Nashville and which was recently put on the American Coed Softball Register of Historic Sites, was all but destroyed in the 3 alarm fire that rang out this week.

"If those walls could talk you would hear a a lot of screaming and swearing" said AGFHOF Don Bernitt when contacted following the blaze. "We took that building and those in it on a heck of a ride over the years" added former Apple Manager Dennis Miller as he struggled to hold back tears when told of the inferno that had swept through the former front offices of the Apples.

Although inconclusive, initial test show the fire perhaps starting in or near the upstairs office of former team owner and CEO John Beasley. One source close to the fire investigation who would only speak on the condition of anonymity, reported that he had heard multiple stories of hot air coming from Beasley's office over the years which may have led to the fire. However added the source, the amount of Bullshit that also came out of some team meetings should have dampened the ground and reduced the chances of this type of thing happening. Attempts to reach Beasley were unsuccessful both in Nashville and at his private resort in the Bahamas.

As has been said before, " You can take away our team and you can take our building, but you will never be able to take our cheer.."

How bout them Apples.......

Photos Below


Fire gutted the Apples former Training Facility


Walkway to main Apple practice area


Entrance to Batting Cages


If these walls could talk

Sunday, April 26, 2009

APPLES CHANGE WITH TIMES

Apples Announcement Expected
New Team Possible

As Spring gives way to Summer, so it appears that change is underway with the Apples. After a multi year run in Nashville, it has been learned that the Apples will soon announce an ambitious plan to take their brand nationally and then eventually globally.

"It's a little early for details" said AG Don Bernitt, "but yea, we have an idea and we are looking at the national and global market."

Initial reports have the Apples deciding on the rapidly expanding Internet networking tool of 'Twitter' as a springboard for their expansion. "That is true" said Bernitt, "you can now follow Apple Tweets at twitter.com/Bernitt

In addition to the Apples global expansion, it has also been learned that we will soon be held hostage to another season of postings involving sports. Coming soon, "Knights Baseball", a 35 and older baseball team fighting for their first league title as part of the Cumberland Valley Adult Baseball League.

Tweet

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

BO OBAMA AN APPLE ?

1st Family Chooses Apple Mascot
Portuguese Water Dog Picked

Isaidstay
Nashville,TN

Following a lengthy background check which included contact with Apple executives, it has been announced that President Obama and the first family have settled on the Apple mascot, the Portuguese Water Dog to become the First Dog. 'Bo' made his first White House appearance today and has quickly become the center of attention on Pennsylvania Ave and around the country.

For several years, Apple team members and fans have been familiar with the Portie as they have come to love team mascot Bella. A Portuguese Water Dog since birth, Bella has become a fixture over the past few years at Apple Headquarters and has accompanied the Apples to several off the field events.

"She's so sweet" said Apple Christi Copous when asked to comment on Bella. Copous, along with the Woehnker-Todd family of Brentwood, TN have been regular host of Bella when her owner's Don Bernitt and Patty Pender travel on team business.

When last seen on the beaches of Hilton Hilton Head Island, Bella seemed oblivious to the commotion surrounding the Portuguese Water Dog and it's soon to be status of First Dog of the United States.

"I know Bella, and Bo is no Bella" said Bernitt when asked to comment on the high profile addition to the first family. "There is no doubt that the Obamas will love their Portie, they are amazing dogs and I'm sure Bo will be fun to have around. I'm sorry that I'm going to have to get rid of Bella now that her cover has been blown" concluded Bernitt.

When asked if he had any insight for the first family and their new Portie, Bernitt said "they like pizza, macaroni and cheese and a whole lot of attention."

From Nashville to the White House, today belongs to the dogs as they bark in harmony...

How bout them Apples

Photos Below...


Bella


Bella reacts after learning that her distant cousin Bo is now in the White House

Friday, April 3, 2009

APPLES MAKE IT TO SPACE STATION

Apples Go Galactic
Out Of This World

Liftoff
Nashville, TN

With their on again off again season approaching, the Apples are finding new ways to keep busy these days.

In an out of this world example, the Apples this week visited the International Space Station. When asked to comment, AGFHOF Don Bernitt pointed out that it was not a member of the Apple team that made it to the ISS but rather an email.

"Yea, it's pretty cool if you think about it." said Bernitt, "I sent an email to someone on the Space Station and they replied to me." "What's more impressive, the fact that the Space Station is up there, or the fact that I was able to send an email and get a reply?"

For those interested, Bernitt's communication with Charles Simony can be seen at

www.charlesinspace.com

When asked about further attempts to reach the Space Station, Bernitt said that he was going to start clipping grocery coupons with the hope of saving 30 million dollars; the current asking price for a trip to orbit. Concluded Bernitt, "take a walk outside one night soon and gaze into the starry skies, and when you do so don't be surprised if you hear the faint and distant sound of......"


How bout them Apples........