The Best Gift Ever
Apple Has It Made
youluckydog
Nashville, TN
Anyone who knows him will certainly agree, for those who don't, seeing is believing. For some time now it has been a well known fact that AGFHOF Don Bernitt is one of the luckiest guys alive. Why? it's simple, how many men out there can buy their better half power tools as holiday gifts and not only get away with it, but live to tell about it.
"No doubt I got me one special gal" said Bernitt this weekend as he sipped ice tea on a neighbors porch while watching Patty Pender go to work with the chain saw Bernitt gave her as a Valentine Day gift this past year.
"It hits you where you live" added Bernitt as he chocked back tears as Pender fired up her chain saw and went to work cutting down a holly tree whose time has come. "Is she something special or what?" added Bernitt before heading back into the house to continue his afternoon of watching college football.
Pender, who has become known as the go to girl in the neighborhood for those needing to borrow tools, showed that she knew what she was doing as she scoped out the yard and then fell the tree in the exact spot she intended.
Following the successful removal of the tree, it was again time for Bernitt to show why he can claim the title of "luckiest man alive" as he got up from the couch, strolled to the front door and yelled, "hey sweetie, what's for dinner?."
Now you know why again it is only a matter of time before he hear that now famous cheer.... How bout them Apples !!
**Video Below*
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
APPLES SEND BIRTHDAY WISHES
Apples Celebrate Two Birthdays
Twin Brothers Seperated By 7 years
Hoyyezmoyyez
The Apples today join millions across the country, and around the world in extending warm birthday wishes to brothers, and future Apples Michael and Matty Oliver.
The Olivers, nephews of AGFHOF Don Bernitt, today turn 20 and 13 respectively. It's simply amazing said Bernitt as he recalled the day two decades ago when Michael burst onto the scene followed seven years to the day by his little brother Matty.
"As their grandfather has said many times, these guys are twin brothers separated by seven years." said Bernitt has he recalled a day a few months after Michael was born." "I can go on record as saying that I fed Michael his first bottle when he was a few months old." "I'll never forget it" added Bernitt, "his mother started crying saying that her baby didn't need her anymore." "Boy was she wrong."
"Michael and Matty are two great kids" continued Bernitt has he reflected on his trip to China this summer with Matty. "They both like to talk" added Bernitt. With Michael at the Air Force Academy, and Matty in Middle School, Bernitt said that they are never at a loss for words or a good story when he has a chance to visit or speak with them.
Following the traditional blowing out of the birthday candles and eating cake and ice cream, Bernitt was then put in an akward position when he was asked which of the birthday boys was his favorite. Bernitt answered by saying, "that's easy, it's J-Man, the kids a player."
Of course, Bernitt like any proud Uncle was joshing with his answer.."I have 16 nieces and nephews" continued Bernitt, "and they are all rock stars in my opinion." And so it goes, the years fly by and the kids become youngsters and adults, which can only lead to one thing. You guessed it.... How bout them Apples!
Twin Brothers Seperated By 7 years
Hoyyezmoyyez
The Apples today join millions across the country, and around the world in extending warm birthday wishes to brothers, and future Apples Michael and Matty Oliver.
The Olivers, nephews of AGFHOF Don Bernitt, today turn 20 and 13 respectively. It's simply amazing said Bernitt as he recalled the day two decades ago when Michael burst onto the scene followed seven years to the day by his little brother Matty.
"As their grandfather has said many times, these guys are twin brothers separated by seven years." said Bernitt has he recalled a day a few months after Michael was born." "I can go on record as saying that I fed Michael his first bottle when he was a few months old." "I'll never forget it" added Bernitt, "his mother started crying saying that her baby didn't need her anymore." "Boy was she wrong."
"Michael and Matty are two great kids" continued Bernitt has he reflected on his trip to China this summer with Matty. "They both like to talk" added Bernitt. With Michael at the Air Force Academy, and Matty in Middle School, Bernitt said that they are never at a loss for words or a good story when he has a chance to visit or speak with them.
Following the traditional blowing out of the birthday candles and eating cake and ice cream, Bernitt was then put in an akward position when he was asked which of the birthday boys was his favorite. Bernitt answered by saying, "that's easy, it's J-Man, the kids a player."
Of course, Bernitt like any proud Uncle was joshing with his answer.."I have 16 nieces and nephews" continued Bernitt, "and they are all rock stars in my opinion." And so it goes, the years fly by and the kids become youngsters and adults, which can only lead to one thing. You guessed it.... How bout them Apples!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
APPLES SALUTE VETERANS
Apples Pause To Say Thanks
We All Know A Veteran
USAUSA
Nashville, TN
As the days on the calendar fly by and we find ourselves looking Thanksgiving and the Christmas Holiday in the face, the Apples today encourage all Americans to pause for a minute to say "Thanks" to our Military Veterans.
"I get the sense that a lot of folks rarely think about the history that is our country" said AGFHOF Don Bernitt as he sipped a Venti, No Whip, Extra Shot, Extra Hot Mocha outside a Nashville Starbucks coffee shop.
"It's easy to do" added Bernitt, "we are all so wrapped up in our day to day challenges that before we know it, the day is done and we turn the page to tomorrow." "Let's make today a little different, let's all take a minute to acknowledge and remember the Military Veterans of our country who have made it possible for us to enjoy the freedoms that perhaps we often take for granted."
"It's easy to point to the troubles and disagreements our country has, but if you think about it, that's part of what makes us the United States of America and it's because of our Veterans that we have the freedom to disagree" continued Bernitt.
Finishing his morning cup of Joe and preparing to start another day, Bernitt added, "each and everyone one of us knows a Veteran. Perhaps our parents, grandparents, brothers or sisters, in any event, we owe them a debt of thanks, and I would like to take this moment to say thanks to my Veterans." "To my father Dan, my wife Patty, her father Bob, and my brother-in-law Kris, my buds Jim Doran and Tony Byram," "Thanks ya'll, it's because of you that it is only a matter of time before we again hear that now famous cheer.................How bout them Apples!
**PHOTO BELOW**
We All Know A Veteran
USAUSA
Nashville, TN
As the days on the calendar fly by and we find ourselves looking Thanksgiving and the Christmas Holiday in the face, the Apples today encourage all Americans to pause for a minute to say "Thanks" to our Military Veterans.
"I get the sense that a lot of folks rarely think about the history that is our country" said AGFHOF Don Bernitt as he sipped a Venti, No Whip, Extra Shot, Extra Hot Mocha outside a Nashville Starbucks coffee shop.
"It's easy to do" added Bernitt, "we are all so wrapped up in our day to day challenges that before we know it, the day is done and we turn the page to tomorrow." "Let's make today a little different, let's all take a minute to acknowledge and remember the Military Veterans of our country who have made it possible for us to enjoy the freedoms that perhaps we often take for granted."
"It's easy to point to the troubles and disagreements our country has, but if you think about it, that's part of what makes us the United States of America and it's because of our Veterans that we have the freedom to disagree" continued Bernitt.
Finishing his morning cup of Joe and preparing to start another day, Bernitt added, "each and everyone one of us knows a Veteran. Perhaps our parents, grandparents, brothers or sisters, in any event, we owe them a debt of thanks, and I would like to take this moment to say thanks to my Veterans." "To my father Dan, my wife Patty, her father Bob, and my brother-in-law Kris, my buds Jim Doran and Tony Byram," "Thanks ya'll, it's because of you that it is only a matter of time before we again hear that now famous cheer.................How bout them Apples!
**PHOTO BELOW**
Monday, November 9, 2009
APPLES SPOTTED IN COLORADO
Air Force Academy Welcomes Apples
Future Apples Joins ESPN Gameday
Theairisthinouthere.
Colorado Springs, CO.
For what was termed "Reasons of National Security," it was today learned that several members of the Apples this past weekend made an unannounced and unpublicized visit to the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, CO.
Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a high ranking government source confirmed the Apples surprise visit only after they had left the Academy and were on their way back to Tennessee.
"You never know what kind of trouble the Apples may cause, so sometimes it's better to let them fly under the radar screen and get rid of them before things get too stirred up" said the government source.
With details of the visit now beginning to leak, it can be confirmed that Apples Don Bernitt and Patty Pender were called upon by the USAFA to escort future Apple Matty Oliver to Colorado Springs to join his brother, Air Force Cadet Michael Oliver, at this past weekend's 'ESPN College Gameday' which was broadcast from the Air Force Academy.
It can now be reported that Matty Oliver flew under the cover of darkness from Delaware to Nashville last Friday and was then escorted to 'Gameday' by the Apples. Holding a sign that read 'Mules Can't Fly' Oliver was then front and center for several hours on ESPN and was seen smiling from coast to coast as the 'Gameday' crew held court at the Academy leading up to the Falcons crushing 35-7 win over Army.
Additional reports have added to the picture of the Apples weekend visit, which appear to have included a visit to the Air Force - Army boxing match which was held Friday night. Just released video and still photos of the event show Cadet Michael Oliver has learned well in his first 3 years as a Cadet. Instead of boxing, he has taken on the role of ring announcer for the boxing team.."Ladies and gentleman, the winner by decision, in blue corner.." announced Oliver before being drowned out by the cheers of fellow Cadets following the final bout of the evening.
In addition to the already mentioned flurry of Apple activity, it has also been learned that Bernitt and Pender took the opportunity while in Colorado to get in a little high altitude hiking. Departing just after sunrise Saturday morning, the Apples set out on a 3 1/2 hour hike that saw them climb 2,000 feet to the summit of Eagles Peak at an altitude of 9,638 feet.
"Nothing like a few hours of heart pounding thin air hiking to wake you up" said Bernitt as he sucked air at the summit overlooking the Academy. "That was tough" added Pender as she described the steep and often rocky climb to the top. "But as is always the case" said Pender, "the view from the top was worth the effort."
After descending Eagles Peak and returning to the Academy Grounds, the Apples were treated to the time honored Air Force tradition of a pre game fly over. Along with a 7 man combined Air Force - Army parachute jump, the Apples witnessed an ear rattling low altitude F-15 fly over to include an after burner kick that shook the ground. Following the two F-15's it was the power and grace of the B1 Bomber that sealed the deal which led to the coin toss and the public address announcer's introducing of the Apples.
"I touched, I really am" said Bernitt when introduced along with several 3 and 4 Star Generals in attendance at the Service Academy Weekend. "I have heard a lot of B.S. from my Uncle over the years" said Cadet Michael Oliver, "but in this case I have to agree with him...he is touched"
Bernitt was then overhead countering Oliver's comments by saving, "the good thing about coming out here and seeing Michael's room is that it will be a long time before I ever hear my room is a mess again." Oliver quickly retracted his comments before ushering the two Apples, younger brother Matty, and fellow Cadet Mary Anderson off Academy grounds for a relaxed dinner at a local Colorado Springs restaurant.
With the whirl wind top secret trip behind them, reports now say that the Apples have returned to Tennessee to entertain talks that may lead them to an on site visit to Caravel Academy in Newark, DE. in an effort to help cheer Jeffrey 'J-Dog' Oliver on to victory in the upcoming Delaware State High School Football Championship.
When asked the chances that the Apples will be in Delaware anytime soon, Bernitt didn't miss a beat when he answered, "there are two chances, slim and none." With that said, about all that can be said for sure is that it will only be a matter of time before we next hear that now famous cheer..............
How bout them Apples !!
***PHOTOS BELOW***
Future Apples Joins ESPN Gameday
Theairisthinouthere.
Colorado Springs, CO.
For what was termed "Reasons of National Security," it was today learned that several members of the Apples this past weekend made an unannounced and unpublicized visit to the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, CO.
Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a high ranking government source confirmed the Apples surprise visit only after they had left the Academy and were on their way back to Tennessee.
"You never know what kind of trouble the Apples may cause, so sometimes it's better to let them fly under the radar screen and get rid of them before things get too stirred up" said the government source.
With details of the visit now beginning to leak, it can be confirmed that Apples Don Bernitt and Patty Pender were called upon by the USAFA to escort future Apple Matty Oliver to Colorado Springs to join his brother, Air Force Cadet Michael Oliver, at this past weekend's 'ESPN College Gameday' which was broadcast from the Air Force Academy.
It can now be reported that Matty Oliver flew under the cover of darkness from Delaware to Nashville last Friday and was then escorted to 'Gameday' by the Apples. Holding a sign that read 'Mules Can't Fly' Oliver was then front and center for several hours on ESPN and was seen smiling from coast to coast as the 'Gameday' crew held court at the Academy leading up to the Falcons crushing 35-7 win over Army.
Additional reports have added to the picture of the Apples weekend visit, which appear to have included a visit to the Air Force - Army boxing match which was held Friday night. Just released video and still photos of the event show Cadet Michael Oliver has learned well in his first 3 years as a Cadet. Instead of boxing, he has taken on the role of ring announcer for the boxing team.."Ladies and gentleman, the winner by decision, in blue corner.." announced Oliver before being drowned out by the cheers of fellow Cadets following the final bout of the evening.
In addition to the already mentioned flurry of Apple activity, it has also been learned that Bernitt and Pender took the opportunity while in Colorado to get in a little high altitude hiking. Departing just after sunrise Saturday morning, the Apples set out on a 3 1/2 hour hike that saw them climb 2,000 feet to the summit of Eagles Peak at an altitude of 9,638 feet.
"Nothing like a few hours of heart pounding thin air hiking to wake you up" said Bernitt as he sucked air at the summit overlooking the Academy. "That was tough" added Pender as she described the steep and often rocky climb to the top. "But as is always the case" said Pender, "the view from the top was worth the effort."
After descending Eagles Peak and returning to the Academy Grounds, the Apples were treated to the time honored Air Force tradition of a pre game fly over. Along with a 7 man combined Air Force - Army parachute jump, the Apples witnessed an ear rattling low altitude F-15 fly over to include an after burner kick that shook the ground. Following the two F-15's it was the power and grace of the B1 Bomber that sealed the deal which led to the coin toss and the public address announcer's introducing of the Apples.
"I touched, I really am" said Bernitt when introduced along with several 3 and 4 Star Generals in attendance at the Service Academy Weekend. "I have heard a lot of B.S. from my Uncle over the years" said Cadet Michael Oliver, "but in this case I have to agree with him...he is touched"
Bernitt was then overhead countering Oliver's comments by saving, "the good thing about coming out here and seeing Michael's room is that it will be a long time before I ever hear my room is a mess again." Oliver quickly retracted his comments before ushering the two Apples, younger brother Matty, and fellow Cadet Mary Anderson off Academy grounds for a relaxed dinner at a local Colorado Springs restaurant.
With the whirl wind top secret trip behind them, reports now say that the Apples have returned to Tennessee to entertain talks that may lead them to an on site visit to Caravel Academy in Newark, DE. in an effort to help cheer Jeffrey 'J-Dog' Oliver on to victory in the upcoming Delaware State High School Football Championship.
When asked the chances that the Apples will be in Delaware anytime soon, Bernitt didn't miss a beat when he answered, "there are two chances, slim and none." With that said, about all that can be said for sure is that it will only be a matter of time before we next hear that now famous cheer..............
How bout them Apples !!
***PHOTOS BELOW***
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
APPLES SOLVE HEALTH CARE DILEMMA
Apples Have A Fix
Not That Difficult
Inorout
Nashville,TN
With the President and the United States congress now embroiled in what appears to be a never ending debate regarding health care and reforms, the Apples have stepped to the plate and appear to have solved the problem that America's elected officials either can not, or will not do.
Speaking to a nearly empty room, AGFHOF Don Bernitt addressed the issue of the day in plain and straight terms. "It's just not that difficult to solve" said Bernitt has he read from a tele prompter that had been set up in the Apples conference room.
"If I remember how this all got started" continued Bernitt, "the idea of health care reform is two fold." "First and foremost is to provide health care coverage to all Americans, and second is to lower the astronomically high prices of health care as it currently stands."
When pressed for clarification, Bernitt rambled, "for many people living in the U.S. the local emergency room seems to be their only means of health care, and by that fact alone we are driving the overall cost of health care through the roof." "Hospitals are for the very sick or the injured, they are not in business to treat the common cold or flu." "We simply can't continue to treat our hospitals as free clinics for anyone walking in off the street." added Bernitt
Realizing that his words may have touched a nerve in some, Bernitt quickly softened the conversation by adding, "who among us would not take care of the least of our brothers?" "The plan is simple" said Bernitt has he slowly weaved towards his point, "if your position in life requires a hand out, America will give it to you." "But, as with American corporations that took tax dollars as part of the bailout and are now held to certain new standards, so will it be expected that those receiving free health care be held to new standards as well.
"First among these new standards" continued Bernitt, "you will give the health care provider proof of American citizenship." "If you are an undocumented resident of this country, you will now be identified as such and documented with the sole purpose of taxing you like all citizens are taxed."
"The free ride is over" said Bernitt as he stated that "nobody living in this country should live in the shadows or in fear." "If you're in this country then by GOD you need to part of the solution and not part of the problem." "The time has come for not just health care reform, but for immigration reform as well" yelled Bernitt as he again veered off course while delivering his unsolicited opinion.
Returning to the main theme of his comments, Bernitt continued, "I've listened to our President and his ideas, and for the most part, I disagree with him." "We don't need the government to run health care in this country." "Obama has said that part of his plan is to clean up the corruption and waste in Medicaid." "How about this" said Bernitt, "do that first!, save the 300 billion dollars in Medicaid fraud you talk about and then put that money right back into the system to pay for the uninsured and under insured who currently have no coverage."
Bernitt concluded, "when you have a problem, you can either avoid it, or attack it." "If the time has come, and I believe it has, for health care reform, then it makes sense to first go after the easy fixes." "Don't try to reinvent the wheel, just fix the spokes." "The issue is not health care reform, the issue is Medicaid and Medicare reform."
"In closing" said Bernitt, "if we the people who make up our government can clamp down on, and clean up Wall Street, then by golly we can do the same thing with our current government health care institutions of Medicaid and Medicare." "Clean your own house, before you tell me what to do to mine" shouted Bernitt as those watching quickly gathered the children and covered their ears before scurrying out of the room.
Completing his remarks, Bernitt left the room as the few in attendance shared a common question, "what the heck is he talking about?" Said one of the remaining guest, " I know exactly what he is saying..... How bout them Apples"
Not That Difficult
Inorout
Nashville,TN
With the President and the United States congress now embroiled in what appears to be a never ending debate regarding health care and reforms, the Apples have stepped to the plate and appear to have solved the problem that America's elected officials either can not, or will not do.
Speaking to a nearly empty room, AGFHOF Don Bernitt addressed the issue of the day in plain and straight terms. "It's just not that difficult to solve" said Bernitt has he read from a tele prompter that had been set up in the Apples conference room.
"If I remember how this all got started" continued Bernitt, "the idea of health care reform is two fold." "First and foremost is to provide health care coverage to all Americans, and second is to lower the astronomically high prices of health care as it currently stands."
When pressed for clarification, Bernitt rambled, "for many people living in the U.S. the local emergency room seems to be their only means of health care, and by that fact alone we are driving the overall cost of health care through the roof." "Hospitals are for the very sick or the injured, they are not in business to treat the common cold or flu." "We simply can't continue to treat our hospitals as free clinics for anyone walking in off the street." added Bernitt
Realizing that his words may have touched a nerve in some, Bernitt quickly softened the conversation by adding, "who among us would not take care of the least of our brothers?" "The plan is simple" said Bernitt has he slowly weaved towards his point, "if your position in life requires a hand out, America will give it to you." "But, as with American corporations that took tax dollars as part of the bailout and are now held to certain new standards, so will it be expected that those receiving free health care be held to new standards as well.
"First among these new standards" continued Bernitt, "you will give the health care provider proof of American citizenship." "If you are an undocumented resident of this country, you will now be identified as such and documented with the sole purpose of taxing you like all citizens are taxed."
"The free ride is over" said Bernitt as he stated that "nobody living in this country should live in the shadows or in fear." "If you're in this country then by GOD you need to part of the solution and not part of the problem." "The time has come for not just health care reform, but for immigration reform as well" yelled Bernitt as he again veered off course while delivering his unsolicited opinion.
Returning to the main theme of his comments, Bernitt continued, "I've listened to our President and his ideas, and for the most part, I disagree with him." "We don't need the government to run health care in this country." "Obama has said that part of his plan is to clean up the corruption and waste in Medicaid." "How about this" said Bernitt, "do that first!, save the 300 billion dollars in Medicaid fraud you talk about and then put that money right back into the system to pay for the uninsured and under insured who currently have no coverage."
Bernitt concluded, "when you have a problem, you can either avoid it, or attack it." "If the time has come, and I believe it has, for health care reform, then it makes sense to first go after the easy fixes." "Don't try to reinvent the wheel, just fix the spokes." "The issue is not health care reform, the issue is Medicaid and Medicare reform."
"In closing" said Bernitt, "if we the people who make up our government can clamp down on, and clean up Wall Street, then by golly we can do the same thing with our current government health care institutions of Medicaid and Medicare." "Clean your own house, before you tell me what to do to mine" shouted Bernitt as those watching quickly gathered the children and covered their ears before scurrying out of the room.
Completing his remarks, Bernitt left the room as the few in attendance shared a common question, "what the heck is he talking about?" Said one of the remaining guest, " I know exactly what he is saying..... How bout them Apples"
Monday, November 2, 2009
APPLES AWARDED A HEISMAN
Heisman Surprise
Team Humbled
Notjustafootballaward
Nashville, TN
To use an old softball term, "this came out of left field." Those words were used this past weekend when it was learned that the Nashville based Apples have been awarded a Heisman Trophy.
Normally given to college footballs outstanding player of the year, the Heisman Committee surprised the sports world this weekend by giving an award to the Apples.
Speaking in Nashville, committee member Arthur Jones said that the announcement of the Apples award should not come as a total surprise. "We saw what our brethren in Norway did last month when they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama." "We figured if they could give the Nobel to someone out of left field, then we could do the same with the Heisman."
In naming the Apples as this years winner, the Heisman committee broke with tradition in two ways. First, they gave the award to a non football recipient, and second, they gave the award to a team and not an individual.
Accepting the award for the Apples, AGFHOF Don Bernitt said that the team was humbled by the recognition and promised to represent the award in true Apple form. Along with the trophy itself, the Apples were presented a check for $100,000 to be placed in the teams general scholarship fund. "I speak for every member of the Apples, past and present, when I say that this award ranks near the top of the list when it comes to the frauds we've perpetrated over the years to market the Apples and grow our bank accounts at the expense of the unassuming masses" said Bernitt before heading to a nearby bank to cash the Heisman check.
With the award, the Apples now find themselves heading into the winter months with some extra Christmas cash on hand as well as a new trophy for the teams newly remodeled headquarters. Where things go from here is any one's guess, perhaps an Oscar or an Emmy is in the Apples future. Regardless, one thing is for sure, it is only a matter of time before we will next hear that now famous cheer.............How Bout them Apples.
** Photos Below**
Team Humbled
Notjustafootballaward
Nashville, TN
To use an old softball term, "this came out of left field." Those words were used this past weekend when it was learned that the Nashville based Apples have been awarded a Heisman Trophy.
Normally given to college footballs outstanding player of the year, the Heisman Committee surprised the sports world this weekend by giving an award to the Apples.
Speaking in Nashville, committee member Arthur Jones said that the announcement of the Apples award should not come as a total surprise. "We saw what our brethren in Norway did last month when they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama." "We figured if they could give the Nobel to someone out of left field, then we could do the same with the Heisman."
In naming the Apples as this years winner, the Heisman committee broke with tradition in two ways. First, they gave the award to a non football recipient, and second, they gave the award to a team and not an individual.
Accepting the award for the Apples, AGFHOF Don Bernitt said that the team was humbled by the recognition and promised to represent the award in true Apple form. Along with the trophy itself, the Apples were presented a check for $100,000 to be placed in the teams general scholarship fund. "I speak for every member of the Apples, past and present, when I say that this award ranks near the top of the list when it comes to the frauds we've perpetrated over the years to market the Apples and grow our bank accounts at the expense of the unassuming masses" said Bernitt before heading to a nearby bank to cash the Heisman check.
With the award, the Apples now find themselves heading into the winter months with some extra Christmas cash on hand as well as a new trophy for the teams newly remodeled headquarters. Where things go from here is any one's guess, perhaps an Oscar or an Emmy is in the Apples future. Regardless, one thing is for sure, it is only a matter of time before we will next hear that now famous cheer.............How Bout them Apples.
** Photos Below**
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