APPLES SAY....DISSOLVE U.S.A.

Stunning Proclamation
Real or Hoax?

Canitbedone
Nashville

In what is believed to be the first of its kind proclamation, the normally a-political Apples shocked the sports world this week as they dipped their toes into the world of American politics. Speaking at Independence Hall in Philadelphia, Apple spokesmen Nathan Hale VI and Thomas Jefferson VI caught many off guard as they announced the Apples proclamation that the time has come for the United States of America to dissolve as a country.

Speaking first, Jefferson addressed the inattentive crowd by reading from the Declaration of Independence that had been written by his famous ancestor of the same name. "And, I quote" said Jefferson, "When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and the Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

Continuing, Jefferson referred again to our founding fathers when he read from the original Declaration of Independence and the claim that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive, "it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new government."

"Look around you" urged Nathan Hale VI. "Our government is shattered." "We have reached a point of perpetual disagreement amongst the two main political parties." "If one group says yes, the other says no." "If one party says up, the other says down."

Added Hale, "our population has grown to a point that we can no longer find a common good." "In a country this vast,and with great people from across the globe now making this wonderful land their home, we must all acknowledge that there is now, and will forever more be, more then one common good." "It is because of our unimaginable success as a people and a nation, that the time may be upon us that we should peacefully and with purpose dissolve the United States of America." proclaimed Hale as the midday crowd enjoyed their Philadelphia Cheese Steak sandwiches in the cool autumn air.

Continuing on the theme of the day, Jefferson VI again chimed in when he quoted the 1858 speech by Abraham Lincoln in which Lincoln said, "A nation divided against itself can not stand." Jefferson then challenged those in attendance by asking, "who amongst us can say that our country is not divided against itself?" Whether because of a total lack of interest in his comments, or because his words may have drowned out by the 747 passing overhead, it must be reported that there was no response from the crowd milling about the square.

Finally, after a bit more rambling by Hale, one passing citizen paused long enough to ask Hale how he would go about doing something that had never been done in the recorded history of mankind, that being the peaceful dissolution of a country and its government. Pausing for a moment, Hale answered by saying, "Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have the answers, I'm the one asking the question, that's all."

Stepping back in front of the microphone provided by the Philadelphia chapter of the Ladies of Liberty Organization, Jefferson VI spoke again when he suggested that perhaps the United States look at a split of the country into "block governments" based on the land map at the time of the 1803 Louisiana Purchase. "It makes sense that a smaller population of individuals are more likely to compromise and work towards a common good if they felt that their voices would be heard and effective, versus today's climate where one persons voice is basically a cry in the wilderness as it relates to actual governing."

"When peppered about the basic questions about a common defense and the structure of the military that would accompany his "block governments" Jefferson's suggestion of a Central Government outraged the handful of bystanders who shouted "Communist! Communist!" With the crowd now becoming hostile, Jefferson VI quickly turned back to Hale VI and said "it was your ancestor who said,I regret I have but one life to give to my country, so why don't you take it from here."

Attempting to calm the crowd, Hale quickly pointed out that Jefferson was only thinking out loud and as had been mentioned before, the two Apple spokesmen were today only asking questions and that they did not pretend to have the answers to what they see as fracture in the current government of the United States.

"This I can say for sure" said Hale, "if we don't pay attention and get involved in our government then we deserve the mess we are in and the bigger mess that is to come." With these words the crowd broke into a chant of Go Phillies Go! as it was learned that the Phillies had won the National League Championship and would now be heading back to the World Series in an attempt to match the Apples by winning back to back World Championships.

And so it goes, with the Phillies about to start World Series play and the Apples enjoying the off season, a proclamation has been made. The only question now is simple, is it real or is it a hoax?

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